Friday, July 20, 2012

Guest Post + Giveaway with Ana Hart

5 Lines From Classic Literature 
My Character Could Do Better 
by Ana Hart 

(Writing as Daniel Webb, the main character from Ana's One Powerful Addiction series)

Warning: This post is rated M for being mother-fracking awesome.

Hey, guys. I'm Daniel Webb and, uh, yeah, Ana said I had to do a guest post because, you know, that's what we do. We do guest posts. But she decided to cop out and make me do this one so here we are. So I decided to butcher some lines from classical literature because, hey, it was my day off from work today and it's not like I had anything better to do.

Except, you know, hang out with my buddy, James, or have sexy, naked time with my girlfriend, Alyssa. But, no, not me! On my day off, I get to write guest posts! Thanks, Ana. You're awesome. In a total controlling, bitchy slave driver kind of way.

(That's going to come back to bite me in the ass later, isn't it?)

Oh, yeah, and we're doing a giveaway, so leave a comment below with your email address for your chance to win some free shit. Good luck, have fun, and enjoy.

Clarissa, or The History of a Young Lady 
by Samuel Richardson

Clarissa, or the History of a Young Lady

The line: “By my soul, I can neither eat, drink, nor sleep; nor, what's still worse, love any woman in the world but her.”

Rewritten: “Dude, I need a hobby.”

Cyrano de Bergerac 
by Edmond Rostand

Cyrano De Bergerac

The line: "She is a mortal danger to all men. She is beautiful without knowing it, and possesses charms that she's not even aware of. She is like a trap set by nature - a sweet perfumed rose in whose petals Cupid lurks in ambush! Anyone who has seen her smile has known perfection. She instills grace in every common thing and divinity in every careless gesture. Venus in her shell was never so lovely, and Diana in the forest never so graceful as my Lady when she strides through Paris!"

Rewritten: “That chick's a maneater!”

Dangerous Liaisons 
by Choderlos de Laclos

Dangerous Liaisons

The line: "Now, I'm not going to deny that I was aware of your beauty. But the point is, this has nothing to do with your beauty. As I got to know you, I began to realise that beauty was the least of your qualities. I became fascinated by your goodness. I was drawn in by it. I didn't understand what was happening to me. And it was only when I began to feel actual, physical pain every time you left the room that it finally dawned on me: I was in love, for the first time in my life. I knew it was hopeless, but that didn't matter to me. And it's not that I want to have you. All I want is to deserve you. Tell me what to do. Show me how to behave. I'll do anything you say."

Rewritten: “You're pretty. I love you. Uh... now boss me around.”

The Portrait of a Lady 
by Henry James

The Portrait of a Lady

The line: “It has made me better loving you ... it has made me wiser, and easier, and brighter. I used to want a great many things before, and to be angry that I did not have them. Theoretically, I was satisfied. I flattered myself that I had limited my wants. But I was subject to irritation; I used to have morbid sterile hateful fits of hunger, of desire. Now I really am satisfied, because I can’t think of anything better.”

Rewritten: “I used to be a pompous prick before you came along. Now I'm just pompous.”

In An Artist's Studio 
by Christina Rossetti

The Complete Poems

The line: "He feeds upon her face by day and night, And she with true kind eyes looks back on him, Fair as the moon and joyful as the light."

Rewritten: “Holy shit, he's a zombie!”


Oh, yeah, and my new book is coming out soon. I'm not sure when (we're still waiting on the official date and all that good stuff), but you can check out the blurb and excerpt now. It's a pretty awesome book, but of course, I'm biased. I am the main character after all.
Book Two of the One Powerful Addiction series
Coming Soon

All Daniel Webb wants is to be a normal guy, but honestly, that doesn't seem like it's going to happen anytime soon in between him being addicted to a supernatural power beyond his control, keeping his girlfriend Alyssa Drega happy, and dealing with the everyday responsibilities of being a college student. Oh, yeah, and now his nightmares are trying to kill him.

And they're not the only ones.

When a mysterious assailant attacks Daniel in the woods outside of town and ends up getting to Alyssa in the process, things get real personal real quick and more questions than answers are dumped onto Daniel's already full plate. Now the clock is ticking while something truly dark is stirring in the sleepy town of Stone Hills, Arkansas, and it's all Daniel can do to figure out how to survive the weekend.

And somehow keep Alyssa safe in the process, too.


The dark forest came alive with the harsh light cast from the flames of the tiki torches which illuminated the naked bodies writhing on the ground below. Moans and gasps of pleasure burst from ten different mouths as they moved as one, giving and taking

But off in the trees away from the crowd, another pair moved – a stocky, blond guy who would have looked more at home in a gym and the redhaired girl kneeling before him. The wet slurp of her lips suctioned around his cock sounded louder than a gunshot, but the others in the clearing had yet to notice their absence.

The man trembled and slumped back against a nearby tree while the woman at his feet continued to feast on him in more ways than one until he finally rasped, “Well don't drain me completely, you stupid bitch.”

She pulled her face away from him and his cock left her mouth with a loud pop.

“You're the one who keeps having me send him nightmares,” she snapped. “Do you know how draining that is for me? I need all the power I can get.” The redhead positioned her face over his swaying cock once more and lashed out at the tip of him with her tongue. But then, she paused and added with a smug grin, “Or you can just haunt him yourself.”

The man snarled and grabbed at her face, holding the young woman steady while he plunged himself back into her mouth. “Take what you need and not a bit more,” he growled and the redhead took to his cock again in earnest, sucking every ounce of power from him she could hold.

The man slumped back against the tree and shuddered again before whispering, “And then give him hell.”

Reborn (One Powerful Addiction, #1)

Buy Reborn, Book One of the One Powerful Addiction Series 
for only $3.99! Are YOU Addicted Yet?

About the Author:

Ana Hart is a writer of erotica and romance and an Internet celebrity wannabe. If she's not writing sexy books, working on her pimptastic new website, or lurking on Twitter, then she's probably doing an awesome weekly vlog on YouTube! New subscribers are always welcome. Oh, and did we mention all stateside YouTube subscribers get cookies for Christmas? Deets here!

Rules of the Giveaway: 
• Just leave a comment below with your email address for your chance to win a $5 Amazon gift card.
• Don't forget to leave your email address! Seriously. How else can I contact you if you win?
• Giveaway will end July 27th at midnight CST.
• Good luck!


  1. Daniel I loved your take on classic literature, now go have sex with your girlfriend it may improve your mood ;O)Carin

  2. I was impressed with Daniel's succintness - short and sweet thats my motto!

  3. Thanks for the giveaway. Please enter me in contest.

  4. I'd love to win. Thank-You!

  5. He definitely got to the point quickly. Why waste words or time if you don't need too. Although he may have got to the point so fast so he could enjoy his day off, lol.
    Thanks for the contest.
    manning_j2004 at yahoo dot com

  6. The re-writes had me laughing out loud. So much fun thank you.



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