Transcription of a Conversation with
Special Agent Beatrice Alexander, F.R.E.A.K.
by Jennifer Harlow
NOTE: A few months ago I had the privilege of interviewing Special Agent Beatrice Alexander of the F.R.E.A.K.S. Squad for an article in Government Secrets Gazette, now defunct due to budget cuts. (The NASA gang and I say thanks from the unemployment line, Mr. President!) Now, I’m forced to go freelance. I remained in e-mail contact with Agent Alexander in the interim and at my own expense flew back to Wichita in an attempt to uncover more information for future articles (or blackmail. Leaning towards blackmail.) We met at a Starbucks, and I secretly recorded the conversation. Here it as follows:
Jennifer Harlow (JH): Hi, girl! You look…um…
JH: It never rains but it pours, huh? Who died?
BA: One of the Squad. We just got back from Dallas on an Op. It was, well (chuckle)
JH: Back where? Kansas?
BA: No, nothing. I just, exactly a week ago I met my brother in this very Starbucks right before the caca hit the fan.
JH: At least you got to see your brother.
BA: Yeah, no. It did not go well. I believe words like “monster” and “abomination” were uttered.
JH: Shit. Sorry.
BA: I expected it. We’re not exactly close.
JH: Still. If my brothers ever said those things to me, I’d kick them in the balls. Really I’ll find any reason to do that. Great cardio.
BA: I was tempted. Went the crying and vodka route instead.
JH: That works too. (a beat) At least you had work to take your mind off it. You said you went to Dallas? Why?
BA: Vampires. A group of them killing people. Then it got really complicated.
JH: Ooh, complications. I love complications. Do tell.
BA: I don’t know if I should…
JH: (a pause) No, I understand. Government secrets and all. Security clearances, blah blah blah. (sipping coffee)
BA: (a pause)
JH: Of course you can! Of course. Yeah.
JH: Oh la la, a married couple with a beyond gorgeous man who has centuries of practical seduction experience. That sounds like fun. Hope you took advantage of it. And him.
BA: It wasn’t like that.
JH: Bitch! I hate her for you already.
BA: Me too. And there were all these other vamps around who kept acting like they were lions and I was a flank steak. Then things got even worse. A house exploded, I got kidnapped. Again. The vampire ruler of Dallas took a murderous interest in us. I killed over a dozen vampires in twenty-four hours. (rolling eyes)
JH: Sounds like it. But he protected you, didn’t he? Oliver?
JH: So you’re not annoyed with him anymore?
JH: Hope it’s a naked light. Often.
BA: You are so smutty minded, Jen!
JH: One of my many charms, Bea. (a pause)
BA: I am not…continuing this line of discussion.
JH: Oh, you slut you, you so did. Muchos kudos, kiddo. (sipping coffee)
BA: We are not…you really need to get your mind out of the gutter, Jen.
BA: Oh, Jen. It was so messed up from the start. He was away on his first vacation in years, and I couldn’t tell him I was going. When he found out...it’s just so complicated. And it’s getting more and more complicated by the minute.
JH: Ah, the eternal dilemma: the good or bad boy. (sarcastically)
BA: Or I lose them both.
JH: Only if your God is a cruel, dramatic bitch with a multi-book deal.
JH: What? I didn’t say anything.
BA: Of course.
JH: You are a doll as always. Can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for me. Enjoy your vampire boy-toy! Kisses!
(A F.R.E.A.K.S. Squad Investigation #2)
by Jennifer Harlow
September 8th 2012 by Midnight Ink Books
Mission #2 brings sizzling kisses and deadly vengeance Beatrice Alexander is still adjusting to life as a secret special agent, wiping out zombies and other supernatural threats. Now, a new case requires partnership with her annoying and gorgeous vampire co-worker Oliver. To infiltrate the goth vamp scene in Dallas, Texas, they must go undercover as a married couple and, Oliver's convincing public affection has Bea swooning in her bustier and fishnets. Clubbing with the undead turns bloody when Oliver's old enemy, the vampire lord of Dallas, turns up.
Jennifer Harlow spent her restless childhood fighting with her three brothers and scaring the heck out of herself with horror movies and books. She grew up to earn a degree at the University of Virginia which she put to use as a radio DJ, crisis hotline volunteer, bookseller, lab assistant, wedding coordinator, and government investigator. Currently she calls Northern Virgina home but that restless itch is ever present. In her free time she continues to scare the beejepers out of herself watching scary movies and opening her credit card bills.
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